2:31 AM Monday, April 13, 2009
hi my name is liam.
and i am a compulsive liar.
well they say the first step to recovery is admitting the mistake right? i am a liar, and i do it all the time, almost every waking second. here's the sick part, i do it because i love it. people get hooked on booze or pills, i get hooked to words formed into sentences crafted to create an illusion for people to believe in. and im actually good at it. if we've had a conversation for more than 10 minutes, chances are they're probably a few stories i've told you that weren't true.
and it is the most unlikeliest of people that made me realise this compelling revelation. my dad. but then again they say your parents know you best ey? started out with the oasis concert. long story short, my dad found out i wasnt at work. and he confronted me abt it. without a thought, i blurb out another lie to cover up that lie. it was just my natural reaction. and i did it with so much gusto, so much theatrics with my eyes and hand movements, that if my dad had not known where i really went, he would've believed me. he was even shocked how the lies just keep spilling out of my mouth with such calm and composure.
so i reflected on why i resort to lying as a natural response for me. and i realised, i do it because i can. i like making people believe words that i've concocted just at the tip of my tongue, and people just hang on to my every word. its a real addiction, and like all addictions, its unhealthy. and i'm trying my best to change now. if i keep going one day this hellhole will suck me so deep, i'll need real help. well at least its not so bad. i realised my problem before it becomes permanent.
and the important thing is, i may have lied to people, but i will never lie to myself.